Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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