you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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