If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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