he thought i was a dude.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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