Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize