Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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