Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
