Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I am one with the molecules
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
