Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
