I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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