Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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