i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
