They have a pepper shaker for pot.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
