HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
