I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
