i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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