I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
