She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
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is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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