K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
