I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
