Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
and she was petting her beer can
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Randomize
