so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
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I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
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Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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