Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
