Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
