I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Randomize
