just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
