doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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