I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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