I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
