I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
