you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
