You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
