now i know why i became what i already was.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
