Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
