I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize