Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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