i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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