Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
