ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
