Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldnâ€™t Be More Proud
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.