he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm at about main and main street
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!