Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I wish they made helmets for livers.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.