So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.