I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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