She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
