Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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