I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
