youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
