He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
