I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
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Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i drank out of a bidet.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
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Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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