please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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