he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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