grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Semen is not good for contacts.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
