I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
