3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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