yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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