Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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