I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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