She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
