I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
