remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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