i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
