i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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