Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.