Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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