I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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