If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
