I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
