sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
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Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
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They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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