i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
