my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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