At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
