wrigley field is MILF paradise
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
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