She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize