I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
