I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
