I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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