All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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