i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
