I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
